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Thread: Jokes Please

  1. #16
    Baloo KoopaCooper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by big chris View Post
    Ok. Seems like a good time to resurrect this

    How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two, it's getting them inside the bulb and in the mood that's tricky..

    Sent from my ONEPLUS A5010 using Tapatalk
    Mice one, Chris!

    ...I might try something other than a one-liner at some point, but not right now.

    O wait, I made this post on FB...

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=835415333625183
    1988 - 1990: 4th Streatham Sea Scouts (PMLO), Beaver
    1990 - 1998: 1st Streatham Common, Cub & Scout
    2004 - 2011: 1st Streatham Common, OH
    2011 - 2012: 1st Streatham Common, CSSA
    2012 - 2019: 1st Streatham Common, ACSL
    2019 on: 1st Streatham Common, GSL

    Lambeth - The best Scout District in England!


  2. #17
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    Strange times ... and strange scenes from my bedroom window. This morning a woman passed by mounted on a tractor, wailing Its the end of the world!

    I think it was Farmer Gedden.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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  4. #18
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    My Cow decided to go on strike yesterday

    How Dairy!
    Dave Ralphs
    Yarnton Scout Group (Treasurer)
    DofE Advisor & District Exec Member - Oxford Spires District
    http://yarntonscouts.org.uk/

    I work for O2, any posts are my own personal views & do not represent O2

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  6. #19
    Baloo KoopaCooper's Avatar
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    I would make a small joke about coronavirus here, but then...you might "get it".
    1988 - 1990: 4th Streatham Sea Scouts (PMLO), Beaver
    1990 - 1998: 1st Streatham Common, Cub & Scout
    2004 - 2011: 1st Streatham Common, OH
    2011 - 2012: 1st Streatham Common, CSSA
    2012 - 2019: 1st Streatham Common, ACSL
    2019 on: 1st Streatham Common, GSL

    Lambeth - The best Scout District in England!


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    big chris (18-03-2020),claire.shadbolt (18-03-2020),dralphs (18-03-2020),SteveF (18-03-2020)

  8. #20
    Senior Member big chris's Avatar
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    I decided to sell my theremin as I hadn't touched it in years.

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  10. #21
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    I saw a cooker on sale the other day.

    The temperature knobs were on stuck on Max but they were selling it at a big discount.

    I thought, "I can't turn that down."

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    bellshillscouts (19-03-2020)

  12. #22
    ESL and DESC ianw's Avatar
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    How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

    Wi' jam in.

    How does Bob Marley ask you how you like your donuts?

    Hope you like jam in too.

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    Ian Wilkins
    Farnham District Explorer Scout Commissioner

    Jambowlree - Worldwide Scout Ten Pin Bowling Competition
    All sections, all countries, runs December 2018 - May 2019
    http://www.jambowlree.org

  13. #23
    Baloo KoopaCooper's Avatar
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    While I was down at the beach, a blue whale swam up near the shore and opened its mouth. A man stepped out and waded up onto the beach, singing "Men of Harlech".

    I asked him what he was doing...he said in a broad Cardiff accent "Oh aye boyo, we always sing in Whales!"
    1988 - 1990: 4th Streatham Sea Scouts (PMLO), Beaver
    1990 - 1998: 1st Streatham Common, Cub & Scout
    2004 - 2011: 1st Streatham Common, OH
    2011 - 2012: 1st Streatham Common, CSSA
    2012 - 2019: 1st Streatham Common, ACSL
    2019 on: 1st Streatham Common, GSL

    Lambeth - The best Scout District in England!


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  15. #24
    GSL & AESL shiftypete's Avatar
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    A photon is going through airport security and the security officer ask if he has any luggage. The photon replies, "no, I am travelling light."

    Peter Andrews ESL of Headingley Pirates ESU, Group Scout Leader & Webmaster of Falkoner Scout Group
    www.falkonerscouts.org.uk

    Previous Scouting Roles
    2003 - 2013 ABSL
    2017-2018 AGSL

    Wike, North Leeds District Campsite - www.wikecampsite.org.uk
    www.leeds-solar.co.uk
    Please note all views expressed are my own and not those of any organisation I'm associated with

  16. #25
    Baloo KoopaCooper's Avatar
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    An astronaut out on a mission unknowingly got too close to a black hole and ended up falling in. His last thought before being spaghettified was "well this sucks".

    ====

    Why did the silent cat slip off the roof? Because it had no mu.
    1988 - 1990: 4th Streatham Sea Scouts (PMLO), Beaver
    1990 - 1998: 1st Streatham Common, Cub & Scout
    2004 - 2011: 1st Streatham Common, OH
    2011 - 2012: 1st Streatham Common, CSSA
    2012 - 2019: 1st Streatham Common, ACSL
    2019 on: 1st Streatham Common, GSL

    Lambeth - The best Scout District in England!


  17. #26
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    I posted a joke about covid-19 on the internet.....

    it went viral

  18. #27
    Man in a daft hat Hatman's Avatar
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    Two blondes went out for a walk on a winter day. On the way they saw some tracks in the snow. They were still arguing about what had caused them when they were hit by the train.
    ABSL 1st Hoveton and Wroxham Sea Scouts
    www.hovetonandwroxhamscouts.org.uk

  19. #28
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    I was walking down to the shops the other day when an old chap threw a lump of cheddar at me.

    Humph i thought

    That's not very mature
    Dave Ralphs
    Yarnton Scout Group (Treasurer)
    DofE Advisor & District Exec Member - Oxford Spires District
    http://yarntonscouts.org.uk/

    I work for O2, any posts are my own personal views & do not represent O2

  20. #29
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    What's green and goes up and down?

    - - - Updated - - -

    A gooseberry in a lift!

  21. #30
    Baloo KoopaCooper's Avatar
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    Why could the rogue planet not sit comfortably in its orbit?

    Because it was suffering from ass-teroids!
    1988 - 1990: 4th Streatham Sea Scouts (PMLO), Beaver
    1990 - 1998: 1st Streatham Common, Cub & Scout
    2004 - 2011: 1st Streatham Common, OH
    2011 - 2012: 1st Streatham Common, CSSA
    2012 - 2019: 1st Streatham Common, ACSL
    2019 on: 1st Streatham Common, GSL

    Lambeth - The best Scout District in England!


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